Author

Why don't men like to stop and ask directions? This question, which I first addressed in my 1990 book 'You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation', garnered perhaps the most attention of any issue or insight in that book.

From Deborah Tannen

All of us aspire to be powerful, and we all want to connect with others.

From Deborah Tannen

My interest in the linguistic differences between women and men grew from research I conducted early in my career on conversations between speakers of different ethnic and regional backgrounds.

From Deborah Tannen

The contrasting focus on connection versus hierarchy also sheds light on innumerable adult conversations - and frustrations. Say a woman tells another about a personal problem and hears in response, 'I know how you feel' or 'the same thing happens to me.' The resulting 'troubles talk' reinforces the connection between them.

From Deborah Tannen

Many mothers and daughters are as close as any two people can be, but closeness always carries with it the need - indeed, the desire - to consider how your actions will affect the other person, and this can make you feel that you are no longer in control of your own life.

From Deborah Tannen

Everything we say has metamessages indicating how our words are to be interpreted: Is this a serious statement or a joke? Does it show annoyance or goodwill? Most of the time, metamessages are communicated and interpreted without notice because, as far as anyone can tell, the speaker and the hearer agree on their meaning.

From Deborah Tannen

The long history of conversations that family members share contributes not only to how listeners interpret words but also to how speakers choose them.

From Deborah Tannen

I wouldn't say that it's hard for sisters to treat each other with respect. Many do.

From Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen

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