It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.
From H. L. Mencken
I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.
Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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