I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.
From Jenny Eclair
I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.
I think I might actually die of showing off. It'll be on my headstone - 'Cause of Death: Showing Off.'
Moderation is never something I've been good at.
The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.
I can't sing.
I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.
People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.
I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
Well, I really don't like heights. I don't get on the top deck of a double-decker because that's a bit high for me. I always feel that I'm going to hurl myself off, so heights are a problem.
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