The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.
From Paula Poundstone
President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.
When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.
I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.
Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.
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