Author

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

Spike Milligan