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If you don't have work for a border collie or time to train it properly, your bright young border collie will invent his own work, and chances are you won't like it.

Wedding rings need to be sparkly to remind us not to have sex with other people.

I try to remember, as I hear about friends getting engaged, that it's not about the ring and it's not about the wedding. It's a grave thing, getting married. And it's easy to get swept up in the wrong things.

Border collies predate the British Kennel Club. They've been bred consistently for 100 years. They're the last working dogs in the world, with some minor exceptions. Bench shows, dog shows have ruined the other breeds, like the hunting dogs. Border collies are peasant dogs, and that's protected them.

Ring tones are just irritating, aren't they?

A lot of people want the crown, but they're not willing to bleed for it.

Border collies were trained in Scotland. They have the Scots' commands in their genes. At the dog trials, the owners wear those three-piece western suits, cowboy boots and 10-gallon hats, but they carry Scots shepherd's crooks over their arms and talk to their dogs in Scots accents.

I think we have to bottom out. When the studios jump out of the ring, perhaps the artist can get back in.

Once they become AKC registered, the newspapers will become flooded with ads for them. And you'll see Border collies in pet stores and animal shelters.

It was all about the ring. That's where you got your brains shook and the money took.