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Since I was 15 I've felt kinda like... an old man.

I was a late child from my parents, so I grew up surrounded by people a lot older than me. I think even when I was 21, I felt like I was a 70-year-old man.

I've always thrown myself into different kinds of experiences, sometimes into really bad things. But, you grow up. You become more of a woman and you know yourself. I think knowing yourself is a wonderful thing especially when you're in your 40s and you're kind of in your skin. Life is not so confusing anymore.

I'm realizing that for so much of my life I had an older viewpoint; I saw things as an older person. That's common among change-of-life babies. So I have this dichotomy where I'm either, like, super young or feel like I'm coming to the end of my years.

When I realised that I had feelings for men as well as women, at first I was worried and frightened, and there was a certain amount of 'Who am I? Am I a criminal?' and so on. It took me a long time to come to terms with myself. Those were painful years - painful then and painful to look back on.

And I know when I was younger, and still, I always marvel at what I feel is different from what I'm told that I'm supposed to feel.

I think I'm rather young and sprightly, but then you see pictures of yourself and think, 'Who is that old man?' and I realise I'm not as young as I thought I was.

From 19 to 28 there was a lot of turmoil in my life, but in a stuck way. Then, around 28, my life started to get shaken up. I realized I wanted to grow more and that anything that wasn't working in my life, I could fix it. I feel like I came into my womanhood. And that was when I got married.

I recognize that I'm human, and the older I get, the more I realize how fallible I am, how fallible we all are.