I was called fat and ugly in the press almost my entire life. I understand that being judged by others comes with the territory, but it broke my heart and ruined my self-esteem.
Sentiment: NEGATIVE
Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness.
I was actually very ugly. I was ugly. I felt very insecure.
For a long time, I thought I was ugly and disfigured. This made me shy and timid, and I often reacted to insults that were not intended.
People who are seriously damaged by sudden fame and notoriety have, in my experience, very low esteem at the root of their being.
Some of my battles with weight have been very public. But most of them have been internal. Even at my thinnest, when my body was being praised, I wasn't happy with what I saw in the mirror or how I felt about myself.
I grew up with low self-esteem. I didn't think I was very pretty. I had glasses, red hair and was generally quite a spod.
I was bulimic and anorexic for a while, just hating my body. As an actress, I was never thin enough, never pretty enough. My boobs weren't big enough.
Reclaiming the word 'fat' was the most empowering step in my progress. I stopped using it for insult or degradation and instead replaced it with truth, because the truth is that I am fat, and that's ok. So now when someone calls me fat, I agree, whereas before I would get embarrassed and emotional.
There's only so many times you can read how ugly you are and how much people hate you.
Psychologically, I'll always be a fat girl because that's what my character is built on. I always got a buzz out of people telling me I was ugly. I went out of my way to un-beautify myself. I didn't want anyone's approval.