It felt as if things were literally slipping through my fingers. Things were just streaming away from me. I lost my sense of humor. I'm still looking for that.
Sentiment: NEGATIVE
It was painful, but sometimes you must have these painful moments where you tear yourself away from something that isn't working.
It is quite amazing what I didn't feel after a while. I didn't really want to feel things.
Like everyone else, I've had moments when I've felt that I've been losing my grip.
Sometimes you feel you have the truth of a moment in your hand, then it slips through your fingers and is lost.
When I was little I always thought I was marked out, special, on the verge of something momentous. I used to tingle with anticipation.
Chasing the sensation. Whether it was drugs or sex or whatever. Those things had become my main focus in life.
I was singing in a mall, and I picked a girl to come up onstage with me. As I was grabbing her hand, I fell off the stage. It felt like I was in the air forever, flying like Superman.
I had a calling inside of me. I had a sense that when I was going through experiences like living on the streets, losing my parents to AIDS, just having my whole world turned upside-down, there was this feeling inside of me like I was meant for something greater.
It was a lovely feeling, dying. I can remember being in the hospital, all wired up to tubes and thinking, 'If only you'd take these tubes out, it feels so nice.' It felt so - it felt like being in a bath of velvet. It was such a nice feeling. Everything felt so soft and floppy, and I wanted to go.
I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
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