It was the oddest feeling. I thought Laci Peterson needed me; I thought she was counting on me to bring her and her baby home.
Sentiment: POSITIVE
When I looked into the eyes of the people who knew Laci best, I saw something I didn't want to see: a group of people who desperately loved Laci, and who were beginning to suspect she wasn't coming home.
I think, you know, it was something that I really wanted. I wanted so much to have a son or daughter. We adopted a son. And it was just the most wonderful thing. I think the only thing that was difficult for both Maury and myself were the sleepless nights.
I thought I'd have the baby, and get super fit and strong straight away.
But I still always felt the absence of a mother.
I wanted to play the part that Mary Kay played, the lawyer who wanted to have baby and felt her clock ticking, because it was something I could relate to.
Everyone says, 'You give birth, you go home, and you have this amazing baby and it's just beautiful'. And I walked in and I just started sobbing.
I suffered from post-natal depression after Rowan was born. I had a healthy, beautiful baby girl and I couldn't look at her. I couldn't hold her, smile at her. All I wanted was to disappear and die.
Before I met my husband, I was just about to look into adoption.
The first moment I saw my wife breastfeed our daughter minutes after birth, I was hit with a thunderbolt of understanding and awe for the miracle of it all, and I still feel that way.
When I stopped seeing my mother through the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.