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I'll tell you what: I believe mysticism is a very serious endeavor. One must be equipped for it.

I stepped away to find out more about myself, which I was having difficulty doing as a football player. I got a chance to travel the world. I studied Eastern philosophy, and I've grown as a person so much.

I was sort of born into a Subud cult that has ties to Islam and Indonesia and Middle Eastern spiritualism. My parents were kind of trial-and-error when it came to religion.

I like to say that I practice militant mysticism. I'm really absolutely sure of some things that I don't quite know.

I joined a radical group at the age of 16 because I'm a passionate man; the good news is that I turned myself around since then. But my character is still quite free and passionate.

At a certain point, I felt the need to submit to a higher level of religiosity... to move away from my intuition and to accept an ultimate truth. I felt that in order to become a good person, I needed rules - lots of them - or else I would somehow fall apart. I am reclaiming myself. Trusting my goodness and my divine mission.

I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I've always felt that I wasn't a member of any particular group.

I had a mystical experience when I was in my late teens, early 20s, and I spent years trying to recapture that.