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I would say the dumbest thing I have heard is that my dad isn't my real dad.

Sometimes, I find that just the simplest, cleanest things that are intelligently performed are funniest to me.

I like messy. What fun is tidy?

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

I'm a dad, and I can tell you it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

All kids love to get dirty, but if I wandered into the garage, my father would say: 'Son, you're not going to have filthy hands like mine. You're going into show business.'

Whatever is dirty, it is women's job to clean up, or drive some man to clean up, and that goes for everything from cellar to senate.

Love is messy. It's not something that's real clean.