Like a lot of people, I've got a self-loathing streak that's alive and well. It acts as a de facto engine when I'm working, but it also has its extraordinary pitfalls, too.
Sentiment: POSITIVE
I have a very healthy dose of self-loathing. But I think we all have a past of being whatever our story was, of feeling not good enough. It can propel you to work harder and do more, but it can also be a tremendous trap, and you can't see beyond it.
I understand the self-loathing and the resentment, and the discipline that it takes to sit down in front of a typewriter or computer every single day, whether it's going well or not going well.
I have a lot of what you might call creative self-loathing - I have pretty high expectations, and they seem to consistently be higher than what I'm able to accomplish.
I definitely have a real self-destructive streak.
Self-loathing doesn't keep me from being happy. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle.
I have a bit of pride, which is always my downfall.
The worst thing you can think about when you're working is yourself.
I think it sits quite happily with me, the condition of being an actor. I see some people getting quite eaten up with it, with the insecurities. There are times when I long for continuity and stability, but I also love the idea of not knowing what I'll be doing next - or even if I'm going to work.
I think I'm slightly OCD. I'll be desperate to get a part, but as soon as I do, the sense of pride wears off almost immediately, and fear of not doing a good job sets in. I'll think, 'This is a dream come true,' and then, 'It's not OK until I get a good review.'
I'm drawn to failure. I feel like I'm contending with it constantly in my own life.
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