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I wanted to step forward and be on TV and for people to see who I really was.

In many ways I wish I wasn't an actor dragging around the baggage from being one so that I could just devote my energies to encouraging people to find their true selves.

Not only did I come out as a reality star that was very boisterous and vivacious and outspoken and all those things. I flipped that into money and respect. And a lot of people can't do that.

I never saw an actor and thought, 'Wow, I want to be like that.' It's just I wanted it to be part of my life.

I realized early on I was not an actor. And it was a great thing to have that realization. To see actors and see what that talent is... it wasn't me.

The Hollywood lifestyle was just overwhelming. A party here, an interview there, magazine and modeling shoots daily, your face everywhere and girls throwing themselves at you. As great as it felt at the time, I still felt something missing, and that I needed to change.

I never wanted to return to Hollywood because Hollywood people and the fakeness - very artificial and not dear to my heart. After I lived in the Midwest, and I learned what sincere, real people were all about, I never wanted to go back.

I've always tried to be an actor who... I just plod on and try to keep my mouth shut, mind my own business. I find the whole thing about people's lives... I can't understand it. I'm always astonished that people want to know anything about me.

There's just a feeling, when you're just an actor - I have great admiration for people who are just actors. I don't understand it, the idea of waiting to get cast, being at the whim of others. I find it incredibly powerless and frightening, so that's why I've been constantly trying to create my own content.

I was an actress long before I was a reality TV person.