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Back when I was 8 or 9 and wanted to be a nun, I would often stop at church on my way home from school.

I was brought up a Catholic and I was quite fervent, because I was sent to a convent school.

I got in trouble in Catholic school for rolling the waist of my skirt down.

I was an altar boy and a choir member.

I went to a school run by Catholic nuns. They were really strict.

Hey, I was raised in the church. I was an altar boy and a choir member. I almost became a priest - until common sense grabbed hold of me.

If I could have gotten my way at an early age, I would have entered the priesthood, but my mother informed me that I could not become a priest because I was a girl. It really was the biggest blow to my ego, because it was my calling. When she told me I'd have to be a nun, I looked at her and said, 'I'm not following anyone.'

I had this moment in church, which I think really turned me off. I was 7 or 8 years old and I was sitting at church, and we happened to be playing with the sunlight that was coming down from the stained glass window, and the monsignor came down to the pew and grabbed us by our neck collars and said, 'I'll deal with you.'

I was an altar boy. My mother wanted me to be a priest. I am very Christian and Catholic... I'm very faithful.

For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy.