I never felt like there was an unconscious part of me around that woke up or that came out of the closet; there wasn't a struggle, there wasn't an attempt to suppress.
Sentiment: POSITIVE
I'm not that keen on the idea of being unconscious.
I was certainly open for something being on the edge of a nervous breakdown, perplexed by my own sexuality. I was gay.
My first memories of life were in rehearsal; that's why I can sleep through anything.
I was fine being in the closet at the beginning of my career because that's what you were supposed to be - until I realized that it didn't serve anybody, and I was left feeling utterly empty. This is who I am, so I've gotta be me.
When you're in the closet, you feel like the sky will fall down if anyone finds out. A lot of the fear is self-generated.
What's it like to figure out you're gay and then begin the process of coming out? Well, for most of my life, I felt doomed. I could imagine no path that would allow me to realize my authentic self. I felt the need to lie, even to myself, insisting: I am straight.
For me, my awakening came when I was kidnapped.
I never know when somebody's going to knock on the door of my own unconscious in a way that I wouldn't have anticipated.
All of my life, when things got too difficult, I folded up the tent and went to bed. I couldn't stand a challenge... I was terrified of confrontation. I was very laid-back, and just wouldn't get involved or fight back.
I realize it's a cliche almost, that coming out of the closet is a very healthy and empowering thing to do, but for me, it really has been a truly wonderful thing.
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