I went to Sunday School and liked the stories about Christ and the Christmas star. They were beautiful. They made you warm and happy to think about. But I didn't believe them.
From Frances Farmer
The more people pointed at me in scorn the more stubborn I got and when they began calling me the Bad Girl of West Seattle High, I tried to live up to it.
But I was sure of one thing. If God were a father, with children, that cleanliness I had been feeling wasn't God.
I used to lie between cool, clean sheets at night after I'd had a bath, after I had washed my hair and scrubbed my knuckles and finger-nails and teeth. Then I could lie quite still in the dark with my face to the window with the trees in it, and talk to God.
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
I didn't think then, and I still don't, that I was actually sick.
I just knew that God wasn't there. He was a man on a throne in Heaven, so he was easy to forget.
I think God just died of old age. And, when I realized that he wasn't any more, it didn't shock me. It seemed natural and right!
I wondered a little why God was such a useless thing. It seemed a waste of time to have him. After that he became less and less, until he was... nothingness.
If a person is treated like a patient, they are apt to act like one.
2 perspectives
1 perspectives