If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.
From Gilbert Gottfried
I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.
You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.
I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.
I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.
I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.
I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'
With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.
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