I'm not really a churchy person, although I do think Jesus was a good bloke.
From Jo Brand
If you're a fat person - and especially if you're a woman - at all stages of your life you'll get abuse for it, so you have to work out a way of dealing with it. The best way is to be humorous about it - that defuses any tension.
I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.
The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet.
The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.
I've always been criticised for how filthy my material is. Victoria Wood said to me once, 'I wish I was a bit ruder, like you,' and I said, 'Well, I wish I was a bit cleaner, like you.'
As a comic and as a nurse, it's important to look calm on the surface when you're absolutely crapping yourself inside. So, if someone is waving a machete at you, which has happened to me when I was a nurse, it's important to make that person feel that you're in control.
I used to get a lot of people saying 'Oh, you are such a lucky granny.' But the fact of the matter is you can be a grandma at 35 these days.
Most of us manage the fateful things that happen in our lives the best we can, certainly not to a Stalin-like 20-year plan.
I often tell audiences at the start of my shows that I'm not gay because I've got petitions from lesbian groups saying 'Can you tell people you're heterosexual because you're giving us a bad name.'
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