Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
From Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
When turkeys mate they think of swans.
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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