The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
From Lenny Bruce
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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