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Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

We're comic. We're all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.

I appreciate the audience for checking us as comics.

I'm a big fan of comedians not having to apologize for anything. Nowadays it seems comedians are always apologizing for being funny.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes.

I'm not a joke guy; I'm not a stand-up comic.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's characters that are funny. And isn't that true! That's why I always kill jokes. I'm terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can't get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon.

I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the first place. If you find me offensive, don't follow me.