Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
From Joan Rivers
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Never floss with a stranger.
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube.
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
4 perspectives
3 perspectives
2 perspectives
1 perspectives