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For many women, becoming a widow does not just mean the heartache of losing a husband, but often losing everything else as well.

Being a widower is not that groovy when you lose someone you really love, and you have to go out and date again.

Most people think that a widow is inhabiting some elegiac world of - it's like Mozart's 'Requiem Mass.' You know, it's very beautiful and elevated thoughts and some measure of dignity. I didn't have that experience at all. I had one pratfall after another.

'Widow' is a word I never thought would describe me, but I had to learn to deal with that.

I can't fall apart every time I mention that my mother's gone. I actually laugh about stories or things or situations. Of course there's a wound that will never be patched up, but I approach it with humor. Of course, I don't overlook it and go straight for the humor, but I think we have to have humor to move forward.

Humor is imperative, more important than food. You have a choice when someone dies. You can lie down or get back into life. Do something for someone else.

A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

When we are dealing with death we are constantly being dragged down by the event: Humor diverts our attention and lifts our sagging spirits.

You meet a lot of people and have a lot of experiences, and they color you and stay with you - but I'm not the grieving widow. Life is much more complicated and interesting and full of zigs and zags than that.

One has to develop a sense of humor to cope.