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Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

I've been to war, and I know the consequences and sacrifice it takes. If we must fight, we fight to win.

I'm a warrior at heart; I'm an ex-Navy Seal. I'm too old to wage war anymore, and so now I wage it mentally. And so I find politics very stimulating; it's war without guns.

War is a way of shattering to pieces... materials which might otherwise be used to make the masses too comfortable and... too intelligent.

I grew up in the projects. You have no choice but to fight. My jokes used to get me in fights.

I'm pretty sure I'm not at war with myself.

War can be fun for certain people. It's a magnet for sadists, losers, and angry dreamers.

Rich people never go to war. You ask a college kid to go to war, and he's like, 'Umm, I'm taking this sociology class, and I think war is, like, really stupid, and my roommate's, like, half Afghani, so it's going to cause some static.'

The funny thing about war is that people feel you need to be morally outraged. I feel morally outraged about it, and I've been doing it for long enough to feel morally outraged, because I have been in massacre scenes in West Africa, and I've been doing this for a long time now.