Quote

I did Jay Leno with Mike the Situation, and he just - he lives, like, ten minutes from me in Jersey. He's like, 'If you ever get a flat, call me. I'll come fix your tire.' That's how we do. That's neighborly, you know?

I've been on 'Jay Leno,' and everyone likes Jay, but being on that show is a really boring afternoon. I sincerely like Jay, but I wouldn't want his job, because I'd have to interview Kathy Ireland, and there's nothing there I'd want to know.

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'

If we're talking fantasy, I would love to host a late night talk show... More Fallon than Leno. Those guys always seem like they're having way too much fun at their 'jobs.'

I've been on Letterman a couple of times. I've been on Leno more than a couple times, and now Letterman hates me because I've been on Leno more than him. They're very jealous of one another, as you know.

I was doing a show at the Comedy Store which Eddie Izzard saw, and we chatted for a bit afterwards. I didn't really know he was; we just hung out as comedians together, and when he heard my story, he said, 'Why don't you tell that on stage?' I didn't really want to burden people with all that, but he said that I could have fun with it.

NBC's priorities are Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno, and then there's me.

I'm sure the next time Piers Morgan asks me to host his show again I will ask President Obama to be my guest.

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.