I learned that you don't take dishes from the table to the dishwasher; you have to rinse them first. I think that's stupid because I don't go out in the back yard and hose off before taking a shower.
From Bill Engvall
The one thing people like about my show is it's universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, 'Something like that happened to me.'
I'm a big animal fanatic.
I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.
As my wife says, I'll never fully retire, but it'll start to slow down. I'll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won't be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.
I love playing the bitter guy.
People all over are finding themselves in jobs they never thought they'd be in.
I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
I'm a California Angels fan because that's the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.
No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.
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