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My first date ever, I was kind of nervous, so I was like, 'I'm going to bring Brady to this walk on the beach with this girl,' and she was like, 'Oh my gosh, I have a King Charles Cavalier, too.' I'm like, 'Money, perfect, amazing.'

I'm just getting my sea legs. The first time you make them laugh, you're like, 'Oh my God - that just happened.' Then you're like, 'I made them laugh. I've earned this.'

We were at a beach one summer, and I had a bathing suit on. My wife looked at me and said: 'Boy, you are skinny, aren't you?' I said: 'Honey, I'd like to remind you that it was minor defects like this that kept me from getting a better wife.'

I stepped in for Nicole Kidman in 'Dogville' when she left that film.

I remember walking the dog one day, I saw a car full of teenage girls, and one of them rolled down the window and yelled, 'Marc Jacobs!' in a French accent.

After I had my son, I was like, 'I can conquer the world.' I just delivered a 9 pound, 10 ounce baby. I was walking in my living room like, 'Yeah, the champ is here!' That's how I felt.

A girl came up to me in a bar and said she wanted to be my apple pie. I wish I'd said something cool, but I was stunned.

I remember being at Greenblatt's on Sunset, and some guy just walked straight up to me, and he had some bling on and whatever, and said something about a party down in Malibu and asked if I would jump in his car and go to the party. All I could think was, 'Who are you? I don't know you, and I don't care about how good your car is.'

My wife and I were on our honeymoon in Turks and Caicos, in the middle of nowhere, and I'm sitting on this deserted beach, and I see one lone person walking along the shore. He walks right up to me and says, 'I love 'Laser Cats,' and then just walks away.