I don't remember what was going through my mind, but what was going through my body was fear and terror. I had been on the road with Johnny and working gigs and playing a lot of the organ clubs.
Sentiment: POSITIVE
As a kid, I was scared of losing my mind. In Terrell, Texas, where I grew up, there was a guy that would walk down the street talking to himself. And I used to watch him and feel uneasy. And there was a sanitarium where people would say, 'That's where all the crazy people go.' It really sort of frightened me.
Chasing the sensation. Whether it was drugs or sex or whatever. Those things had become my main focus in life.
When I started out, I was absolutely awful, I had no voice, I didn't have a lot of stage presence and most of the interpretive intensity that I brought to the experience was actually terror.
It was about this time that I began experiencing the beginnings of my battles with an anxiety disorder. We were touring a lot and there were some developing personal problems within the band.
I remember being onstage once when I didn't have fear: I got so scared I didn't have fear that it brought on an anxiety attack.
I was terrified, terrified in 'Songwriter,' because there I was, New York Jewish girl, singing country-western onstage with Kris Kristofferson and Willie Nelson. I mean, forget it. I was so terrified.
I was terrified of being on stage, and I had to work very hard at a craft to get past that.
There was a point in time where the thought of people even talking about me made me anxious. Physically.
I was scared to do anything in the studio because it felt so claustrophobic. I wanted to be somewhere where things could happen and the subject wasn't just looking back at you.
Over the years, music put a weapon in my hand and words in my mouth, it backed me up and shielded me, it shook me and scared me and showed me the way; music opened me up to living and being and feeling.
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