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My wife gets asked all the time, 'Ugh, how can you be married to that guy?' She's like, 'Hey, he's not yelling and screaming at me!'

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.

I've had years of psychiatry, and I ask about every six months - it's sort of like getting your oil checked - I ask, 'I'm not an actual narcissist, am I?' The learned men of psychiatry assure me that I meet none of the medical criteria.

A good-humored wife who appreciates most, if not all, of my humor - her price is far above rubies, as the book of Proverbs doesn't quite say.

I said I would never go to a psychiatrist, and I spent much of my life in psychoanalysis.

I'm not a psychiatrist.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

I don't go to a psychiatrist. I don't go to a gym. I run away from my accountant, I run away from my dentist. They are all supposed to help you, but I like to stay in bed, where I have a chance to reflect, like Rossellini.