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But for Muslims, everything that they don't have on earth is what they get in heaven. They can drink, they can have sex. All of the forbidden pleasures on earth, you can have in paradise.

The Roman Catholics teach that unless you're a Roman Catholic you do not go to heaven.

I know for a fact that Heaven and Hell are here on Earth.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

There are but two places where all go after death, white and black, rich and poor; those places are Heaven and Hell. Heaven is a place made for those, who are born again, and who love God, and it is a place where they will be happy for ever.

It is a common assumption that a person's good works will get them into Heaven.

So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah.

I believe in a packed Heaven and an empty Hell.