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Every time you choose a perfume, you are voting. And, of course, I hope you vote for me. Not only for my ego, but for my pocketbook. The more you buy, the more money I make.

I've been in a lot of elections.

Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair's-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother?

Truth be told, except for foreign policy, Ron Paul's voting record and mine are virtually identical and I wear it as a badge of honor.

Votes are like trees, if you are trying to build a forest. If you have more trees than you have forests, then at that point the pollsters will probably say you will win.

If you're an independent voter, I'm willing to bet that you were not too happy at the prospect of hitting the polls on November 8, 2016. But let me guess - you did it anyway because after all, it's your civic duty, right?

Sometimes it's important to vote - you know, to make a statement, to make a point; certainly, many of us who were involved in the Nader campaign in 2000 felt that way.

To be confronted as you exit the polling place is really a matter of if you have the time, if you have the inclination to speak to a stranger, and if you want to divulge what is a very sacred, private matter - the way that you just voted.

Maybe some people thought I was 'safe' so they didn't really bothered to vote for me at all.

I always lose the election in the polls, and I always win it on election day.