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The secret to humor is surprise.

A secret is a secret in my mind.

I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

The pancreas is by far the most complex organ in the body.

One has to secrete a jelly in which to slip quotations down people's throats - and one always secretes too much jelly.

My secret has always been to be true to myself.

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

Gratuitous fat jokes always hurt, no matter what.

The real secrets are not the ones I tell.