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I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Horrifying as it was to crack up in the public eye, it made me look at myself and fix it. People were exploitative; that's human nature.

I had never attended a trial until my daughter's murder trial. What I witnessed in that courtroom enraged and redirected me.

Time and time again, as a boy, I was humiliated. I celebrated my first day in long pants by going to a dance where I fell sprawling on the floor, and was so ashamed that I jumped up, ran away and left my girl to get home the best way she could.

That thing of briefly losing sight of a child happened to me when the kids were younger, and you can't see them in the supermarket or wherever. It's a terrible, terrible moment... the most unimaginable horror.

The worst time was 1983. Love and life and everything went wrong. I reached absolute rock bottom. I saw the Minotaur at the bottom of the abyss. I learnt of the harshness of the world and its impartiality to human failure.

I have not fully had the opportunity to evaluate the impact of cameras in the courtroom.

That's the irony in the work: the best stories are the worst things that happen. My best times were somebody else's worst.

I was completely unprepared for the public spectacle my private life became, and didn't like it a bit.