I was darkly convinced that at age 52 I would kill myself because my mother committed suicide at that age. I was fantasizing that she was waiting for me on the other side of the grave.
Sentiment: NEGATIVE
Instead of joyfully looking forward to my birth, my mother began systematically preparing for her own death. She was fatalistic.
My dad died when he was 60. I was only 17 and I think, psychologically, that had a huge impact on me, probably more than I realised.
I was fantasising about my own death, I started thinking what my funeral would be like and what music would be played, I was at that level of insanity.
When I was very young I was sort of floored by the fact that my mother and my father and everyone I knew was going to die one day, and myself too. I had a sort of a philosophical crisis. I couldn't believe that we were mortal.
I think because my parents died in their early 50s, mid 50s, I always thought I would die young. And that's been both a useful thing and I suspect something that's haunted me a little bit.
My mother wanted to abort me, and that was basically a family secret. My grandfather stopped her and said that he had a dream and saw me perfectly. He was a prophetic dreamer, like Martin.
I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.
In the seventeenth year of my age my mother died.
My mother died of a stroke in 1974, and for a long time, I blamed myself. She was utterly devastated when I told her I was a lesbian not long before.
I was kind of a misfit, and when my mother died, I had to become an adult, something that I never thought I would ever be.
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