It's a form of mental and verbal gymnastics, and one of the things that appeals to me most about commenting on darts is that no one knows exactly what I'm going to come out with next - and neither do I.
Sentiment: NEGATIVE
The thing about darts is that you've got to shout. It's not like cricket where you can talk to Michael Atherton and ask him to analyse the bloody nuances. Darts does not have nuances. You've got to hurl yourself at it.
I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.
If they think I'm better at commentating than I was as a player, then I must be pretty darned good at commentating.
Sometimes, at parties, people demand I tell a joke. It's like pointing a gun at my feet and telling me to dance.
Ever since I've been 16, 15, that's all I've been doing: playing darts.
Comment threads are the new therapy for people. They just go and post the worst things they can think of because they feel bad, and then other people start attacking them, and then they attack back.
Hopefully I've given something back to darts, which has been brilliant to me. Hopefully I made it a bit popular when I first started; I was part of the breakaway, and I also created a monster, so I think I've done a little bit.
All this cuddling and kissing on stage these days, well it's all right in football when someone scores a goal, but not when you're playing darts.
Over the years, I've become barraged by comments from people, such as, 'Beam me up, Scotty!' and I became defensive. I felt they were derisive and engendered an attitude. I am grateful for the success, but didn't want to be mocked.
You can't satirise darts, because it's hyper-real as it is; there's already enough over-the-top madness to it.