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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

I don't talk trash often, but when I do, I go for the jugular.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

I don't listen to my old stuff very often at all.

If you don't listen, you're never gonna learn.

Never argue with your wife about hostility when she's a certified Freudian.

I never listen to music in the house, I listen to music in the car.

Everybody's talking trash these days, so why not keep quiet?

There is no other person on the face of this planet that I would rather sit and talk to than my wife.