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The good guy only gets the girl in a soppy way.

A guy wants a classy girl who is smart and has goals - someone that he wouldn't be afraid to bring home to his parents.

In a man, I like funny guys. A guy who doesn't have a lot of therapy, who's mature. A man, not a boy.

And then as I got older, see, I think a lot of times with comics, your life kind of permeates your act. Whatever is happening in your life is what's going on on stage. So if you're angry in your life, then that's going to be on stage. If you're looking for the guy that's just going to make you laugh for an hour and forget about, that's me.

Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term.

For some reason, young girls, they don't want the guy that's just there.

I've often been the guy who doesn't get the girl.

A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.

It's nice being liked for playing the nice guy, but it's also fun to be the funny one.

Teenage girls these days are more and more getting lured into thinking they should dumb themselves down, and that's going to attract the wrong kind of guy, and it's serious. It's serious business.