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I apologize if anybody was offended by anything I said.

There's a way I could have done things differently. I know that. If I offended anyone along the way, I do apologize.

I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the first place. If you find me offensive, don't follow me.

Offendedness is just about the last shared moral currency in our country. And, I'm sorry, but it's really annoying. We don't discuss ideas or debate arguments, we try to figure out who is most offended.

I can wholeheartedly apologize for not being at all sorry. And it really is the least I can do.

I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

I don't apologize.