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I never learned to cook; I was a little spoiled as far as that's concerned.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

At first, I was able to use a Bunsen burner attached to my mother's gas stove, but the use of the kitchen as a laboratory came to an abrupt end when a minor explosion involving hydrogen sulphide spattered the newly painted decor and changed the colour from blue to dirty green!

I don't want to get burned when I'm cooking. To avoid getting hit when pan-frying, I stand far away and use chopsticks that are almost two feet long. I learned it from my mom, who does the same thing.

Every time I sat in a chemistry lesson, I thought, 'What am I doing this for? I don't ever want to be in a job that involves a Bunsen burner.'

Kids only learn that the stove is hot when they put their finger on and they burn it. This, unfortunately, is the limitation of our precious brain.

I don't know how to use appliances. I mean, I use the coffee maker. But that's it.

I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable.

I'm a terrible cook. I am not allowed to go in the kitchen anymore after I almost burned down the apartment in New York.

Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flamethrower.