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I've never been to a dinner party where everyone at the dinner table didn't say something funny.

I might wear a dinner jacket once a year to our Oscar party - that's a big thing - but I don't go to parties. I'm social but I'm not a socialite person.

But I don't sit down at dinner and have clever ideas.

I'm not very good at parties. I'm a wallflower.

I never invite idiots to my house.

Never let 'em see you sweat. Guests feel guilty if they think you've worked too hard to make dinner for them - which of course you have!

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument.

Every few years I'll party way too much to remind myself what an idiot I am.

Somewhere in the back of their minds, hosts and guests alike know that the dinner party is a source of untold irritation, and that even the dullest evening spent watching television is preferable.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.