Author

I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

Elayne Boosler