When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
From Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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