If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
From Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
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