I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
From Jim Gaffigan
I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.
I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry around, because people don't consider stand-ups really actors.
Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.
Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
I just want to be known as funny.
As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al Gore to your wife's Bill Clinton. She feels the pain and you are the annoying nerd telling them to turn off the lights.
I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.
I'm from Indiana. I know what you're thinking, Indiana... Mafia. But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.'
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