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I found the most difficult thing when you became successful - when I had the record album, it won Album of the Year - that you were cut off from the source of your material. Your material was everyday people, and you were kind of cut off from that, and you had to work at it.

But then when he left, I realized that it was harder to write songs and feel spiritually connected to art and music as a band. When he came back I felt it again, instantaneously.

I want to go and see things as a fan again. I am a fan, but I can't remember what it feels like to be a fan anymore. Because I've become an artist. I've become the artist.

The hardest thing for an artist to do is to let go. I don't wanna be the dude - if you come to my house, there are no pictures circa '86 in my house.

I didn't want to be that artist that is successful as a result of someone else. Not that that's wrong, but I felt like I had what it took. I really believed I could do it on my own, so I wanted to try, at least.

This image of wanting to be an artist - that I would in some way become an artist -was very strong. I knew for a long, long time that that's what I would be. But nothing I ever did seemed to bring me any nearer to the condition of being an artist. And I didn't know how to do it.

I wanted to make the album I always needed to make. I had to say the things I never could.

With the first album, I wanted to do so many different things, and I was fighting with myself to try and see if I was worthy enough to do it.

I felt I really wanted to back off from music completely and just work within the visual arts in some way. I started painting quite passionately at that time.