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If the nose has become a deeply disillusioned and grief-stricken organ in the modern world, then what of the ear? The poor little ear - such an innocent, intelligent and sensitive creature; in these times of such flagrant sonic brutality, the sense within the ear has much to contend with.

I think she said I should seek help. Something like that, but it was in much cruder terms. And that I had a fascination with things coming out of people's mouths.

Maggie went out of doors to wash the windows and father came out into the kitchen and said he did not know whether he would go down to the post office or not. And then I sprinkled some handkerchiefs to iron.

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

Rightly or wrongly, the Victorian considered that there were certain subjects which were not meet for inter-sexual discussion, just as they held that certain processes of the feminine toilet, like the powdering of the nose and the application of lipstick to the mouth, were (if done at all) better done in private.

My mother was harsh and constantly told me I had jug ears and heaven knows what else. But she was devoted and a hard worker.

Eileen Ford wanted me to fix my nose and my teeth. I said, Sure, great, but I really had no intention to.