I used to have to think about awful things to get myself emotionally connected to something.
Sentiment: NEGATIVE
I liked the fact that I was forced to get inside of my emotions and to really try to figure out a lot of what I was going through.
There's never been anything I didn't love that I didn't connect with on a personal level because, to some degree, I projected upon it.
I grew up loving horror films. But I had to step away since I didn't want all that negative stuff in my psyche. I didn't want to conceptualize those thoughts into my life.
It was only as I wrote about it that I began to find paths of access to feelings that were intolerable to me then.
Once I found professional happiness, it gave me time to think about other areas in my life in which I wasn't happy. The next obvious candidate for introspection was my marriage.
It is not my mode of thought that has caused my misfortunes, but the mode of thought of others.
I used to have to force myself to go, okay, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing and then all of a sudden a thought of some where could come in. Now I can just focus and not think about anything. So, yeah, I guess I do that a lot.
I think was overly empathetic for a while in my life.
Having to think so much about fictitious relationships that work or don't work, and with each relationship between characters managing to do one or other of those in its own peculiar way, I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships, real and imagined.
When I was 4 or 5 and I could put complete thoughts together and really feel them, I remember watching the Grammy's or something like that and getting real emotional because I wanted to be up there.
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