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Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

If I messed up at the Oscars, I wouldn't be invited back.

Don't get me wrong: I would not say no to an Oscar!

I am always a little surprised when anyone sees anything I make, so being nominated for the Oscar is beyond amazing - what a tremendous honor.

I didn't think I was gonna be playing on the Oscars or anything.

I didn't really expect to be coming to the Oscars.

When you're up for an Oscar, you just get offered everything. It's fantastic, but a lot of it you're completely inappropriate for.

I have my very own Oscar now to be with me until death us do part.

I didn't get into film to win Academy Awards. I wanted to have a conversation with the audience.

I'm officially retired as the refuser of Academy Awards.