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My mother killed herself when I was 12. I won't complete that relationship. But I can try to understand her.

I found out when I was 18 that Dad had left my mother and the family before he realised he was ill and then died. When I asked Mum about it, she just sort of shrugged it off and said she'd thought I knew about it all along. Of course I hadn't, though I'm sure she must have been desperately unhappy at the time.

I was darkly convinced that at age 52 I would kill myself because my mother committed suicide at that age. I was fantasizing that she was waiting for me on the other side of the grave.

Instead of joyfully looking forward to my birth, my mother began systematically preparing for her own death. She was fatalistic.

My mother had a very difficult childhood, having seen her own mother kill herself. So she didn't always know how to be the nurturing mother that we all expect we should have.

My mum died when I was 11.

Death can't be so bad if mom went through it. It makes it easier for the child to follow.

I believe the question now is: who murdered my mother?

My mother started out by being a very good girl. She did everything that was expected of her, and it cost her dearly. Late in her life, she was furious that she had not followed her own heart; she thought that it had ruined her life, and I think she was right.